triptych #2

I.

“I know what I want

But I don’t know where it is.”

I’ll keep looking

Around in circles of dust

Left behind, in the afterglow

And the aftermath.

“I know what I want

But I’m afraid to ask.”

 

II.

I wanted to feel it again.

I want to feel the familiar

Movement: wrist in rotation

Pen in motion:

Thinking with ink.

I wanted to write

But about what?

It gushes.

I’m drowning with the feeling

That I’m supposed to be inspired:

After all, surrounded by books

What can you do but write?

 

III.

In circles I navigated on the trails you’ve left behind. Old words older photos modern letters symbols characters. (Some made up.) This path seems familiar (because I’ve been down this path before). Walking around in circles again. The buzz of city life like flies on roadkill. Everything continues to move because nothing stops. We are not Warsaw. We are not still life. The signs are like tracks obscured by the lalang. It grows. It hides yet it grows still. Still I dream. Around and around in circles again.  Now, the platform seems different, the station has changed and shrunken. How do I go back to where/what I was? I am in a new place yet I knew everything was the same. I’m lost for now, but still I know that this is where I wanted to be. Now, I know what I wanted, but I was afraid to ask. Still, we’ll move forward, circles into circles into circles. Today yet again, I caught myself thinking in circles.


 

 

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layout of booksactually: a bad sketch

 

Spent the better half of today completely lost. Went down Chinatown. Past familiar restaurants where we had reunion dinners. I wanted to buy some books I read about in the Straits Times from BooksActually, but I had never actually been there. I saved the address in my phone as 125A Telok Ayer Street, but that was the original address. The store had moved twice. When I reached there I removed my earphones. The music was good. The cats lay on the books near the door. My mood was good. I felt like I had to write something, so I typed this on my phone. Could have been better but I’ll post it as-is.

In retrospect, I should have went to check the address first before I left. When I was lost at Ann Siang I checked my phone and I saw the address had changed, but I was skeptical. Actually,  now that I think about it, I think I knew it had changed for sure then, but I just didn’t want to leave yet.

#1″  was here.

 

Books I ended up buying: Echolation – Mani Rao Sonnets from the Singlish – Joshua Ip Payday Loans – Jee Leong Koh I Didn’t Know Mani Was A Conceptualist – Desmond Kon Zhicheng-Mingde and a photobook on Japanese Cafes. 

6 thoughts on “triptych #2

      1. sorry – i realize i said nothing about the poem – i find it refreshing because it is not fanciful, + the first part resonated with me. it’s nice to realize again that i am not alone in this.

        as for murakami – try book depository?

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      2. Thanks for the kind comments 🙂

        It’s the same youthful feeling – is it not knowing what to do with one’s life? Or is it a vague want or sense of ennui? either way the feeling’s there…

        I’m certain they have it in stock there and @kino, I’ve seen it there before. I’ll find the time to go buy it someday.

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      3. i think that sense of fear / uncertainty doesn’t really go away for many people – it only seems so because they have started on a path and stick to it out of convenience or out of a belief that they cannot change paths…….mm what i am saying is that i don’t think the feeling if a youthful one but a human one. so yes – i think this would resonate with many many people, beyond the boundaries of age.

        book depo might be cheaper but ok i would probably choose to go to kino too – i like browsing books in real life. hope you find it 🙂

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      4. Anxiety, uncertainty, ennui….

        Especially relevant the closer one gets to getting a career..

        Thanks btw! I’ll try and find it one day when I have the time to.

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